Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I have a confession to make...

I must own up to something: I really don't do well without a "project."

yes, at 29 years old, I'm finally realizing that I thrive on achieving things. I know this sounds dumb coming from a person who has done 19 marathons, one ultra and an Ironman (and who is training for her second), but I knew this before; I just needed a period of downtime to really realize that indeed, I need a "project" to keep me on my toes.

I owned up to this realization to my bf first. lazying in bed yesterday AM with this bloody cold,  I turned to him and said, "I've figured it out. I'm so restless because I'm bored. I need to do something that's not about work, that's not about me, that's impacts lives in a positive way...I need a project."

I'm not surprised that I'm bored out of my skull. for the last several years I have juggled grad school, full-time work, a long distance relationship (at one point...and not with the present bf), mentoring for Team In Training, training for an Ironman, fundraising for blood cancers, running marathons, competing in 70.3's and on and on.

now? I go to a job that presently bores me to tears, I'm training for an Ironman that, truth-be-told, I'm only half-hearted about at the moment and I'm scraping by on a measley budget due to my grad school loan repayment.

thus, I feel lost.

it's not that I don't have several "projects" I want to be doing...I'm anxious to get CPR/AED certified, I can't wait to get my personal training certification (suggestions anyone??? ACE? others?), I would LOVE to be coaching right now, I'm dying to take up bikram yoga at the studio down the street...and SO much more. the catch? moola. dinero. dolares. everything I want to do seems to cost money.

I had no point when I set out to pen this post, so I won't attempt to end with something insightful or significant. I guess I just wanted to say that I'm lost...looking for a "project" that keeps me away from the awfulness that is the bachelor on monday nights.

I'm sure I'll find it sooner than later...

4 comments:

jenna is awkward said...

haha! I know exactly how you feel! Why does everything cost money? I'm sure being sick and it being winter isn't helping matters either. Something is sure to come along soon!

Ian said...

Honesty is very refreshing. The best posts I read always tell it how it is. You're a fighter, that's obvious, and your achievements in sport bear that out. I raced when i was younger, but could never work out how I managed to train for months for something that was over in hours. In everything else in life i wanted it all, now. And in a few ways I still do think that way. I struggled for money, couldn't find the right opportunity, jumped ship a bit too often and drove myself crazy wanting it all. Eventually I cut the competitive sport and had to just be a lot more patient and find the fun, find what i enjoyed. Same applied to work, too. Find some passion and good people to be around. All I can say is be as patient as you can, take some pressure off yourself, and follow your passion and things that make you feel alive. You'll find a way, and the money, too, and you'll always stay a fighter but you won't be fighting with yourself any more.

Blue-Eyed Runner said...

Hi! Yes! I would recommend ACE. I got certified through ACE for group fitness and I have found that they have a good reputation and I was pleased with the study materials and was happy to pass the test on the first try. Good Luck!

Allie said...

I feel ya, if only money were no object. I would do all kinds of things, all the time. I like running because it's cheap, although I do spend all my extra money on races and gear? Maybe it's not as cheap as I thought? LOL